


Iron Chef Enterprise

by Tassos



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cooking, Crew Downtime, Food, Gen, Iron Chef - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9168448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassos/pseuds/Tassos
Summary: Cooking might not be big after the invention of the replicator, but there's no substitute for Iron Chef. Or, one of the many ways the crew entertains itself on the five year mission.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ranalore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranalore/gifts).



"Jim, you ready?" Bones clapped his hands and rubbed them together as the door to Jim's quarters slid shut behind him. Jim looked up from his book, his eyes going wide as Bones _grinned_ at him. He looked genuinely happy and excited and Jim had no idea why. This wasn't what he'd been expecting when he'd told him to come in.

"Ready for what?" Jim asked warily, sitting up. He was sure that he had the next two hours to himself. He'd checked with Rand and everything. 

Based on the annoyance that briefly crossed Bones's face, he was supposed to know what was going on. "For the Iron Chef Championship Round, of course!"

Jim squinted as he tried to recall the recreation calendar. He mostly ignored it. His crew came up with some weird ideas. "Did I know about this?"

"You said you'd be happy to be one of the judges," Bones's characteristic scowl returned, and Jim knew better than to argue with that tone, but he did anyway.

"When did I say that?"

Bones rolled his eyes and said, "Computer, pull up saved audio file McCoyNinerSixSixJimSaid, authorization McCoyDeltaTwoEightFour."

A moment later, Jim listened to his voice from however long ago saying he'd be happy to be one of the judges for the championship round of Iron Chef Enterprise. Then he got to listen to Bones slap him on the back and tell the computer to record that. He had a vague recollection of the moment.

"All right, fine." Jim stood up and tossed his book on the couch. Bones's grin was back in full force, and Jim couldn't help but smile back. He liked seeing Bones happy. "What does judging involve exactly?"

~*~

"A what now?"

"An aldphian quirgut," Spock said with his usual overabundance of interest. "I was not aware they could be eaten."

"It looks like a cross between a squid and lobster," Jim said of the ten-inch creature that Bones, as MC, was showing off on a platter to the crowd that lined Rec Room 3.

"Oh aye, but it's not a sea-creature," said Scotty had been drafted as the third judge. "They're swamp tubers, closer to a potato." The three of them sat at the table with the best view of Ensigns Chekov and Madrilla, the two finalists for the title of Iron Chef. Bones had explained on the walk over. It was apparently an Earth thing that was still big, and Jim had obviously lived under a rock his entire life in the middle of goddamned Iowa.

"Chefs!" Bones boomed to the room. "Take your stations!" He was really enjoying this.

Chekov and Madrilla stepped up to the two cooking counters that had been rigged up in the center of the room. Plates of replicated ingredients were stacked high with a mixture of recognizable and not items.

"Cook!" The wall panel at the back of the room started the countdown clock. Chekov and Madrilla turned into a flurry of motion, twirling knives and juggling pans like they were born to it!

Bones started up a commentary of what they were doing, and Jim felt himself be drawn in despite his usual lack of interest in cooking.

~*~

"What's he doing? He's adding garlic and soy sauce, that's what he's doing. And a grated ginger for the sauce," Bones told the crowd.

"Go Pavel!" shouted Sulu.

"Madrilla's going for a sauce of cream and saurian dashta to add a that little bit of sincere spice. She's going to have to be careful over the heat. Is it going to curdle? Does she have the fine touch to keep a nice even development….It looks like she does, folks!"

"Yeah Syrall!" shouted five astronavigators at once.

"Chekov's leaving his sauce to simmer and getting started on dessert. Uh oh, he's pulling out the vodka."

~*~

"I find this exercise fascinating," Spock said. "I've long understood that humans desire to constantly compete but never have I seen such sporting enthusiasm for a prepared meal."

"If it makes you feel any better, neither have I," said Jim. "Bones called me culturally illiterate."

"What, you've never seen an Iron Chef competition?" Scotty sounded appalled.

"We had a replicator," Jim said.

"I understood that only special occasions merited preparing food by hand," Spock said at the same time. Jim pointed at him and added, "What he said."

"Heathens." Scotty shook his head at them both.

Jim and Spock exchanged a look between them. Spock raised an eyebrow with the faintest twitch of his lips that meant he was as much amused by their shared ignorance as Jim was. Jim couldn't only shake his head in reply and return to Bones's colorful commentary on the pair of three course meals coming together before them.

"Who knew Bones was so into this," he said.

Scotty snorted. "He's got the holos in his viewing queue."

~*~

"Oh good! I haven't missed it." Uhura slid into the fourth chair at the judges table, slightly out of breath and the clock counted the final two minutes of the cooking period. She'd been on duty and looked like she'd run straight from the bridge.

"You're into this too?" Jim raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're not?" she replied with a slight frown. "We used to do this sort of thing at school with traditional culinary arts."

Spock leaned forward to see her better along the table. He looked surprised in that non-surprised way he had. "You've participated in this type of competition before?"

"Oh hell, no! I never had the patience to learn anything fancy with so much else to do. But they're fun to watch," she said with a brilliant grin.

Around them, the crowd started a countdown of the final seconds, while Chekov and Madrilla did some sort of magic to get the appetizers, entrees, and desserts onto four plates in what looked like a spectacular feat of art.

~*~

Challenger Chekov

The Appetizer

"This salad has an abnormally high amount of sugared nuts, but it is not entirely unpleasant," Spock said.

"Croutons! I love croutons!" Jim said.

"The quirgut lends a light delicacy that counter balances the sweetness just enough," Scotty said.

"The crunch of the greens is so crisp. A very nice contrast to the flaky quirgut. I never knew it was so tangy," Uhura said.

The Entree

"I believe the soy sauce gives this meal twenty-two percent more sodium than is healthful," Spock said.

"But it's delicious," Jim said.

"The ginger is a very nice touch, and on the whole the a very traditional sauce that works in an entirely new context," Scotty said.

"The quirgut really sets off the flavor of the sauce," Uhura said.

The Dessert

"The flames were quite impressive. But I'm not sure they enhance the flavor," Spock said.

"Now that's what I'm talking about! Love the vodka," Jim said.

"Oh I do love a good flambé, and the roast flavor of the quirgut is quite good," Scotty said.

"My one complaint is that the custard is a little heavy," Uhura said.

~*~

Challenger Madrilla

The Appetizer

"An interesting mixture of flavors. The quirgut tastes very much like the fruit," Spock said.

"Wow. That's a little disconcerting," Jim said.

"I love the presentation. A good fruit salad is just a beautiful riot of color," Scotty said.

"This is incredible. It's like the quirgut is in disguise with its flavor, but it still has that starchy feel that sets it apart," Uhura said.

The Entree

"There is an unfamiliar flavor in this concoction. I find that I quite enjoy it," Spock said.

"Hot! That's hot!" Jim said.

"That is a delightful cream sauce. Reminds me of spicy chocolate, smooth but with a very distinct bite," Scotty said.

"Oh my god, that's like sex in my mouth," Uhura said.

The Dessert

"I'm not sure I understand the appeal of a starch in a sorbet," Spock said.

"That's really good. Tastes almost tangerine-flavored, but with something else to it," Jim said.

"I love the addition of the caramel swirl. Adds just enough contrasting sweetness," Scotty said.

"Such a simple dessert, yet it really packs in the essence of the quirgut," Uhura said.

~*~

Jim looked over at Spock's judging form to see what he was entering in. Withouth looking up, Spock casually moved his hand to block Jim's view. Jim looked back at the categories on his pads unsure what ten points here or three points here would mean. It had all been good. And plating? He hadn't paid that much attention to be honest.

Scotty and Uhura were both bent over their padds with the utmost concentration.

Around the room, the crowd was chattering while they waited, but when Jim glanced up he found Bones scowling at him and making a hurry-it-up face at him.

So he filled in the numbers and submitted them. A minute later the others had done the same, and the scowl on Bones's face melted into a grin.

"And we have the judges' decision!" he called to the crowd, which instantly quieted. Both Chekov and Madrilla stood at stiff attention, nervous energy practically rolling off of them. In that moment, Jim was just so damn proud of both of them. For their love of food and cooking, for their courage to get up there and demonstrate a rare skill in front of the crew. 

"The Iron Chef of the Enterprise is….. Ensign Madrilla!" Bones called. The whole rec room erupted in cheers.

~*~

"So cooking, huh?" Jim said to Bones later when they were back in his quarters with good bourbon and a replicated version of Chekov's new invention of quirgut flambé and Madrilla's quirgut sorbet.

"It's a universal truth that nothing brings people together like good food and good company." Bones clinked his glass against Jim's. "Thanks for helping out. Though you're a terrible food critic."

Jim would drink to that.

-End-


End file.
